A Section From My Book..."Better Be On Your Toes"

I’m sure most of you have heard the stereotype that asian people can’t drive. We’ll at this point in my life I had confirmed that stereotype and verified it’s reason for existence. As Chris Rock once said “I’m not saying I agree with stereotypes, I’m just saying they exist for a reason.” I had now found out why this particular stereotype exists, but I also remind myself that basically everyone reading this believes that they are an above average driver themselves; therefore, I can only imagine that most people in China believe the same thing. Now China is expanding at a rapid pace, more and more cars are being built, more and more people are buying cars, and more and more people are taking to the road without the slightest ability to drive. Of course, on the other hand, perhaps they do have the ability to drive, but maybe they just don’t give a shit what happens, as long as they get from point A to point B...the problem arises when you are in between their point A and B.
I had been forewarned about the driving in China; warned by my sister-in-law, and from some of Emily’s colleagues who had been to China before. From the onset, leaving the airpot en route to our hotel on our first day, we almost got sick in the car from the constant swerving in between cars, dodging huge trucks and easily surpassing the speed limit by 40km/hr. We both had a nauseating feeling, similar to what you’d get after listening to that douche bag Glen Beck put together a coherent argument. Add to the constant lane changing and swerving, the persistent use of the horn to honk at anything from a jaywalker to a leaf blowing down the street, you’ll ultimately end up with a scene of chaos, with people running to dodge the cars, mainly because the cars aren’t going to stop. So, while there are many road and vehicular laws in China, they’re obeyed about as much as they obey intellectual property right laws. Anytime you get into a taxi, walk across the street, at an intersection I might add, you are literally taking your own life in your hands. It’s something that does take time to get used too, because I rarely get scared inside of a car, even when my wife drives, but I have been seriously scared in China.
Don’t laugh yet, I was scared indeed; however, the day I was scared the most was the day I almost got hit by a car...on the sidewalk. On a day where I felt adventurous I had found myself wondering aimlessly about the great city of Huangdao to see what was on the backstreets and how the real China really was. When you venture out into a city, and I always encourage you to do so, you will most certainly find the most remarkable stuff on the side streets and away from main tourist attractions. Whether it’s mom and pop markets and businesses, new intriguing restaurants, or some cultural or historic parks, but, what you do find will always surprise you and make for a more encompassing stay. On the other hand, you can also find restaurants serving cat, dog, monkey, or just emit smells that will make you gag. You will stumble upon massage parlors that specialize in “happy endings,” and find some of the strangest stores selling anything from boot-leg DVD’s to LSD. I’m just saying that’s its an adventure, one that everyone should do...just be careful of where you walk in to and who you ask for a hand.
But, what you don’t expect to find is a car driving on the fucking sidewalk. As I made made my way through some random back-streets and I made my way back upon the sidewalk of a major road in Huangdao I began to enjoy China for all of it’s development and culture mixed together. I was casually walking along checking out the clothing stores and the occasional handi-craft markets. At one point I was getting lost in my own thoughts, a scary notion in itself. But, as I walked down the sidewalk a loud horn erupted from behind scaring the shit out of me. I looked to the right to make sure I hadn’t walked into the road. That wasn’t the problem, I was clearly in the middle of the sidewalk...then another loud honk, I quickly turned around to see a car coming directly at me...right down the sidewalk. He wasn’t driving slow, but definitely going fast enough to cause serious harm to anyone or anything that got in his way. I quickly moved close to the stores next to me as he whizzed past. I then began to contemplate what exactly had just happened to me and look around at other people to see if they were upset, but, of course, they paid no attention since this driving technique was quite obviously a daily occurrence. Never would I have imagined that walking down the sidewalk would be so dangerous in China. So, let this be a lesson, if you find yourself in China, regardless if you’re walking, riding a bike, or getting a taxi, you’ll have to be like a midget at a urinal...on your toes.